At age 62 a few of my life's disturbing questions have been answered. It has been a harrowing journey through hell and back with treacherous terrain, but I have survived. Struggling with how different I was from others, plagued with bewildering symptoms, dealing with the constant threat of death, all with the sense of being in a house of mirrors where nothing was real.  Yet I believe the ultimate quest is one of gradually discovering one's authentic self.... as the deep mysteries of my past have gradually been disclosed, I realize in spite of the seemingly unbridgeable gap between myself and most people, we are not very different after all. We are all wounded, we are each a hero in our own life story.   

Years of suffering and  torment in the first half of my life taught me some of the greatest wisdom and insight I could possibly learn.  As a child, my skin crawled with self loathing. Terror and unrelenting pain had shattered me, paralyzed me. Picturing the person I wanted to become, I set my sights on the seemingly impossible goal of congruence and health.  I have searched over the years to recover the missing parts of myself, while I nurture and cherish those damaged qualities whenever I see them in others.

 Above all I desperately sought what I doubted even existed, something pure and sacred.  Because I had suffered, feeling alone and misunderstood, I wanted to give to others what I needed so desperately and never had. I became a listener, offering others compassion and understanding.  When I despaired that life had no meaning, having seen the darkest side of humanity, I created meaning by countering destructiveness and helping others venture outside their patterns. This slowly transformed my childhood powerlessness over evil.  

  I have worked incredibly hard to transform myself from the emotionally crippled, isolated child who was nearly destroyed. It has required daily discipline, intention and perserverance. Psychologists told me several times the damage was so severe, over so many years, that it was too late.  I won't forget how hopeless I felt each time I heard I couldn't be helped, the first time I was only six years old. 

Art and writing have contributed greatly, but nurturing relationships where it is safe to be authentic, have been essential to healing. This led to becoming a Relationship Coach, in "Getting Real" (Susan Campbell PhD) method of being authentic. I give back to the world the wisdom and compassion I gain, every day. That is my mission.  It seems there is something magical woven throughout my challenging existence.  This quest for wholeness isn't over, but I believe it has all served ultimately for the human good. 

I look beyond our almost obligatory masks to the real beauty and vulnerability within each of us, the needs we all share, the innocent child within. There is a passion to share this vision, it fills my heart with joy, this love for humanity in its essence.